莫以善小而不为

今天登陆胡佳的电邮,发现信箱爆满,于是开始删无关紧要的群发电邮腾出空间。

删到2007年12月30日,胡佳被抓第三天,我顿住了。

信来自一个当年在艾滋病村认识的孩子,2007年他大学毕业班,附件照片里,年轻人神清气爽,一脸阳光。他告诉胡佳自己即将毕业,成绩优秀,感恩当年的帮助。信件内容如下,涉及人名及可能泄露隐私的内容隐去:

“胡佳大哥:

说来真惭愧,已经将近一年没跟您写信了,但我一直没把您忘记啊,我知道您的身体不好,您现在还好吗?
来读大学已经四年了,马上我就要毕业进入了社会。 ……(隐去一段话)
您知道这段话吗?,它是我上个月无意间浏览到的,你应该不知道我那刻的心情,“……”,一个已经有点陌生的名字,因为我自读大学
以来用的是……(考试时老师统计错了),但没有您们,哪有今天的……,四年了,我有很多的改变,学习了专业知识,认识了外面世
界,看到了社会不好的一面,更知道这个世界依然有很多好人,依然有很多美好的等我们欣赏,最重要的是,我知道了自己应该追
求什么,找到了自己存在的价值。
四年的大学生活,我努力按照您第一次给我写信时的要求,鞭策自己,提醒自己,力求自己全面发展。现在我在赣州一家
医药公司做实习生,虽然只是实习,但我做的依然很认真,因为不管什么事情,我都喜欢尽力把它做好。
……(隐去一段话)

好了,就写到这里吧,佳节快乐。”

胡佳当年直接资助的孩子只有几个,曾经一段时间,他每个月发了工资给自己只留几百块钱生活费,剩下的全部给艾滋病村求学困难的孩子,但长期资助的,也仅仅是几个孩子。后来我们组成团队,向社会传递艾滋病村的状况及需求,许多人一直到今天还在参与“笔友俱乐部”一对一助学和成长伴侣活动。这些志愿者,有还在上学的小朋友及父母,还有过了八十大寿的奶奶,每个月从生活费里拿出50、100或150, 定期和孩子们写信沟通或不定期探访。如今回头看,成绩优秀读大学及已经毕业的不少;成绩一般虽没有入大学深造,但思想更开放、人生的选择和机会增加了的孩子更多;最重要的是,在一对一的交流方式下,基本上保护了深受艾滋病影响的儿童、少年或孤儿的生活没有持续下滑。也有遗憾,比如一名少女,助学金被继父领走,她被继父送到新疆“打工”失去联系,而我们无力作为而告终。

因为NGO的工作直接触犯了基层腐败政府官员的利益(如:医疗事故及血液感染问责,助学金及扶贫款的瓜分,负面形象影响招商,唤醒了村民的权利意识……),我们工作人员、志愿者、地方联络人以及兄弟NGO的同仁,不止一次经历被驱赶、威胁、胁迫甚至殴打。一些地方联络人、基层学校校长和老师及家属因与外界联系而受到地方当局压制、威胁,甚至家庭生活被干预破坏。工作越深入,面临的社会问题越多越尖锐,解决不了制度不透明和腐败问题,工作上进一步退三步。沮丧、挫折感时有。有人加入了,有人退出了,有人转移阵地奋斗。

今天看到这封信,看着信件里的照片,简直不相信这是当年的孩子。快要十年了,理想主义者的我们在现实的专制社会里屡屡碰壁,胡佳坐牢了。但至少,这个孩子得到相对较多的机会,长成一位自信阳光的青年。在对铜墙铁壁的碰撞过程中,艾滋病工作和NGO的空间也在拓展。

我不赞同暴力革命,孙中山先生的这句话,却可以借用:革命不怕受骗,也不怕失败。哪怕一百件革命事业有九十九件失败,而只有一件成功,革命就可以胜利。

眼下的中国,要找到希望,也许就在于,每个公民日行一善,莫以善小而不为。此善不仅仅指传统的慈善,更是指不配合当权者的谎言,不配合贪污腐败,主动遵守法律并要求公权力遵守法律。日积月累,终成大善,福泽后代。

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端午

端午是绕不过去的一天,去年有《以查拉图斯特拉纪念屈原》之“泥潭”和“卖艺者”两个短篇。

今年幼儿园要做端午节庆,翻印元代张渥的屈原像。画中他儒雅饱满,沉静安宁。孩子们在画像前唱“……金龙……吃饱粽子回龙洞,不要欺负屈原老公公”。

《渔父》里,“屈原既放,游於江潭,行吟澤畔,顏色憔悴,形容枯槁。”

我的脑海里,他作为浪漫的诗人的绚丽,盖过忧国忧民失意政治家的形象。

@aiww
端午纪念屈原,屈原怀石投江,因举世混浊。刘德军被当权套黑头套,许多异议人士都有过此经历。胡佳说过,被套上黑头套,脑袋被压到座椅下,又黑又晕又浑,
恶心想吐。现世的写照。端午节也许本来是提醒当下的人们:再不作为,不如投水死了吧


about 5 hours ago

via iTweet

in reply to aiww

RT @lianyue:
不要为什么东西献出生命,哪怕听起来多么庄严,否则就像屈原一样,你的忌日就是别人开心吃一顿的假日。

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艾滋病三十年-日子

http://yc.5sing.com/425248.html

日子
沉默生存,以为传说是谣言
欢声笑声,以为总会有春天
无烟战争,带走多少生命
喊声怨声,想想快要三十年
想吧!
想吧!那是我悄悄流泪的日子

倒下了你,一下失去自己
破碎的我,呼吸却不能喘息
你说爱我,叫我永远不要怀疑
临终的
祝福,是摧毁我的武器
哭吧!哭吧!那是我流不尽泪的日子

无烟战争,带走多少生命
喊声怨声,想想快要三十年


弟姐妹,无论我死我生,
没有一个伤口不留痕迹
一生一世,心中能存多少悲愤
无言无语,只有问天问自己

兄弟姐妹所有
我爱的人
没有一个牺牲我会忘记
你说爱我,叫我永远不要放弃
临终的祝福,是支撑我们的勇气
来吧!来吧!这是不再不再流泪的
日子

为什么我写?
By Humphrey Wou
其实在一年半前“日子”的词就写好,跟两位朋友合作作曲录音1又花了一段时间。一晃眼,艾滋侵入人间已经是第29年头了。回想
1981年时我在旧金山听到报道说在同性恋人群中发现一种怪病,开始传说这是GAY癌。那又怎样,还不照样生活下去?“以为总会有春天。”


来爱上了一个艾滋患者,在十四个月中我走过了人生最灿烂也最惨痛的日子。我爱他,答应帮他走完最后一天;他爱我,给了我他人生最后的一句话,他爱我,叫我
永不怀疑他的爱。

有朋友看不懂,“临终的祝福是摧毁我的武器”,怎又是“支撑我的勇气”,什么意思?

这是一个过程。他走
后,是我噩梦的开始,四年半的不振作,几乎天天过着晚上不睡白天不醒的生活,典型忧郁症的征象。到了一个地步我害怕黑夜的来临,眼瞪着床旁的钟,两点,三
点,四点,五点…

可是突然有一天,我醒了,我不再动不动就流泪,无理取闹地怨天尤人。我的人生又重新开始,又有了往前冲的欲望。我选
择了一条新的路,开始流浪,从事艾滋关怀事业。

日子一天一天,一年一年,就这样走过来了。在那十多年间,有好些朋友接二连三地过去。其中
有一位性格开朗、热心助人、没有一分钟不搞笑的朋友;有一位是一表人材、金发碧眼的男高音,他一辈子也没有过一个男朋友的人;有一位是我爱人的挚友,跟我
也特别谈得拢的好友。我学会坐在他们的病床边,握住我朋友的手,静静地看着他们睡。我学会问他们的遗憾、希望和选择。我学会告诉活着的亲人我们的嚎啕和生
气都是自然的发泄。我学会不说多余的安慰话。死亡不再威胁我。相反的,我学会沉实地关怀他们人生最后的阶段。

为了这些美丽的灵魂,我写下
了“兄弟姐妹,所有我爱的人,没有一个牺牲我会忘记。”

发表在 未分类 | 1条评论

甜心小宝

  1. zengjinyan

    zengjinyan


    宝宝说:爸爸可以去幼儿园,舅舅你去吧。



    less than 5 seconds ago

    via web




  2. zengjinyan


    宝宝把小脚丫放在餐桌上,叫:妈妈,你看啊!我说不可以,并把她的脚
    丫丫拿下来。她又放上去,说:宝宝自己把脚放下来。过了一会儿,她站在餐椅上,右脚举起,靠在墙上,叫:妈妈,你看啊!我意识到她在逗我管她,就不做大反
    应,而是“嗯”一声表示看到了。她觉得无聊,自己把脚放下来。




    less than 5 seconds ago

    via web

  3. zengjinyan

    zengjinyan


    一日早上我找出一件橙色短旗袍穿上。正在床上玩的宝宝突然转过头来看
    我,咪咪笑:你今天怎么那么漂亮啊?我心花怒放,神情淡定,轻轻拥了一下宝宝的小身体,说:谢谢你!她回头继续玩。




    half a minute ago

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  4. 今天在百草园做香包,一针一线缝,填了棉花和
    香料,用彩线做穗子,再用毛线勾一个圆环(线不够,我做的太短了,邻居帮我勾了一根长的),送给宝宝做端午礼物。又跟着幼儿园老师学手指谣、唱粽子歌,很
    开心过了一上午




    3 minutes ago

    via web




  5. 她身前放一只小MIGA,左手背到身后扶一只大Miga,骑在充气小
    马上,右手提着小马的耳朵,口里喊“驾……”向前一蹦一跳。突然,人仰马翻。我大笑,她用行动解释这个成语太生动啦




    15 minutes ago

    via web




  6. @cmike2012
    小孩子就是靠可爱混饭吃的,他们自己倒不觉得自己有多可爱。哈哈




    about 9 hours ago

    via iTweet

    in reply to
    cmike2012




  7. 她不肯洗脸,我说那是邋遢猫。她很高兴,叫我:邋遢猫妈妈



    about 9 hours ago

    via iTweet




  8. 今天下午去菜地移苗,宝宝好不容易用小铁锹铲起土,翻起铁锹泥土全倒
    在脸上、脖子上、衣裙里。她傻站着,过了一会儿才笑。双手劳动,和我的小心肝在一起,我才不至于胡思乱想。




    11:20 PM Jun 2nd

    via web


  9. 最近宝宝在家天天讲故事,然后角色扮演,她自己一定是“小……宝
    宝”,身边一个人(不管男女)一定是”大……爸爸“,我一定是”大……妈妈“。




    1:36 PM Jun 2nd

    via iTweet




  10. 谢谢RT @_xiaohan:

    【胡谦慈巧夺冰淇淋】昨晚我们为胡谦慈过节,谦慈吃了一个冰淇淋,又盯上她妈妈那根,因不敢给她吃太多,于是发生了下面一幕。。。祝谦慈和所有孩子快乐,
    祝她狱中的爸爸胡佳快乐。祝大家永葆童心。 http://bit.ly/cA4YxY



    3:57 PM Jun 1st

    via iTweet




  11. 六一:早晨祝宝宝节日快乐,她以为过生日,要求去爷爷奶奶家吃蛋糕。
    上午和小朋友及家长在河边小树林拉吊床、扎帐篷。唱了小兔子乖乖和老鼠嫁女儿。钻帐篷假想在雪山上,三个小孩在吊床上晃,包起来是”三仙粽“。丁老师唱粽
    子歌,最近她们为端午的香包、粽子和偶戏做准备




    2:47 PM Jun 1st

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  12. 宝宝问:舅舅,你脚上怎么长胡子呢?



    1:56 PM May 30th

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  13. 我说:今天天气真好。宝宝说:那是因为它洗澡了



    12:29 PM May 30th

    via iTweet




  14. @roomel1984
    我基本上遵守禁止婴幼儿看电视的原则




    9:25 AM May 29th

    via web

    in reply to
    roomel1984




  15. 宝宝坚持叫舅舅:大蜗牛妈妈,坚持叫我大蜗牛爸爸,一个字也不能少,
    还要求我们自称,这是什么意思?




    9:20 AM May 29th

    via iTweet




  16. @oliveks
    还是爬山吧,木偶戏六一一票难求




    9:14 AM May 29th

    via iTweet

    in reply to
    oliveks




  17. 六一儿童节带宝宝看木偶戏还是爬山呢?



    9:06 AM May 29th

    via iTweet




  18. 蔡姐给宝宝的粉红色包包,宝宝不离身。据说粉红色是子宫的颜色,宝宝
    们都超级爱。




    9:06 AM May 29th

    via iTweet




  19. http://twitpic.com/1ryt97 – 宝宝有了好多个新朋友,MIGA, SUMI,
    QUATCHI,马大维先生送的,宝宝迫不及待给她的新朋友读书,对MIGA偏爱有加,盖一个小被子以免睡觉着凉




    8:59 AM May 29th

    via iTweet




  20. 宝宝早上四点半就醒了,不肯继续睡觉,叫我大乌龟妈妈,叫自己小乌龟
    宝宝,又要玩大马骑小马的游戏。晚上她要求做家务叠兔子(叠裤子),叠好以后,她兴奋又害羞,把衣服抱到卧室。她收到了好多六一礼物,好开心




    9:00 PM May 26th

    via web




  21. 宝宝喜欢上一只约克夏,分别的时候哭了,这很难见,几乎不见她为分别
    哭(偶尔为了与妈妈分开哭除外)




    10:35 PM May 25th

    via web



  22. parentingmaven


    Looking for a Parenting Article
    for Homosexual Parents | BECOME … http://bit.ly/dgPAvY



    9:05 PM May 24th

    via twitterfeed


    Retweeted by you




  23. 宝宝的新马裤上有个小皮带和小口袋,她一边穿一边翻弄皮带口袋一边自
    言自语:好帅,好帅,宝宝好帅,还有口袋……




    9:15 PM May 24th

    via web




  24. 为艾滋病三十周年写的歌,请传唱:http://bit.ly/bu4Ctr 作曲晓文在Red Scarf有配曲,作词乌辛堃Humphrey
    Wou是China Aids Relief Fund的主席,有多部优秀纪录片作品




    10:08 AM May 20th

    via iTweet

  25. 最近她又有分离焦虑症的情况出现,和幼儿园老师交流了一下,她非常敏感,已经感觉到她的父母有异常情况,老
    师提醒我注意不要太低落,要多和孩子玩




    8:17 PM May 16th

    via web




  26. 她现在最喜欢玩骑马游戏,有的时候她要求当小马,让我骑在背上



    8:14 PM May 16th

    via web




  27. 看见一个穿黑丝袜的女子走过,宝宝说:黑丝姐姐戴着眼镜



    8:13 PM May 16th

    via web

  28. 她现在处于“不不”阶段,问她什么,她的回答一般是:不不不不不……



    2:02 PM May 16th

    via web




  29. 宝宝指着一大一小和尚的泥塑说:这是小和尚,那是小和尚的妈妈



    1:47 PM May 16th

    via web




  30. be myself



    12:00 AM May 16th

    via web

发表在 未分类 | 1条评论

胡佳为什么不能换监舍

2008年8月13日,胡佳先被戴手铐脚镣单独紧闭一周,后被调到潮白监狱条件最差的朝北的监舍,2008年10月10日胡佳被转到北京市监狱,依旧住在条件最差的朝北监舍,我们为胡佳申请调整监舍,但一直未能成功,为什么呢?

先说胡佳被调到条件最差的朝北的监舍,原因是在朝南监舍里,胡佳可以看见监区的一切活动,包括犯人放风,外人(领导、参观者甚至有外国人)来访。监狱要防止胡佳说话,只有把他与人隔绝。胡佳所住的那间监舍,几个月都见不到月亮和太阳,更何况人类活动。

胡佳在潮白监狱,为了孤立、惩罚胡佳,监狱禁止狱友与他交谈,也禁止借阅书刊。

2008年10月10日,胡佳被转到北京市监狱,被安排在一间条件非常差的朝北监舍里。在这里,他受到的特殊待遇有:

1. 监舍里安装特殊的监控装置,在狱政科等部门可以直接监视他的状况。 

2. 全监区的狱友都是首先住朝北的监舍,然后转到朝南的监舍,只有三个人除外。第一个人是胡佳,第二个和第三个人是负责“包夹”监视胡佳的四个人中的两个人,这两个人分别在白天和晚上负责对胡佳的监视。 

从2009年10月到现在,胡佳只在5月份有两次放风机会。胡佳说:如果只能住在朝北的监舍,虽然监狱的工作很忙,但至少也要多安排放风机会。胡佳一直没有放弃追求自己应有的权利,但效果微乎其微。最重要的原因是:在监狱背后,有看不见的人在越权干预监狱的日常工作。我倒是要问一问:他们比对待杀人犯还严酷地对待胡佳,为什么?一个仅仅因为说话写文章就被判刑三年半的“煽动颠覆国家政权罪”者,配得上监狱最残酷的待遇吗? 

相对比看守所,监狱的待遇是好很多(但远远不够),对在押者的保护也多一些。国保部门及相关领导越权直接干预监狱的工作,导致胡佳受到了如此特殊的待遇。由于长期处于条件不好的监舍,加速了胡佳的健康恶化。 

另外,监狱答复胡佳,除了保险公司和检察院,谁也不能复印病人的病历。而胡佳作为肝硬化病人,从来没有亲眼看到过自己的检查结果,作为家属,我们也无法获得具体完整的医学检查报告。胡佳说:“我满打满算坐完这3年6个月的牢,我不期待保外就医成功。因而我更需要随时了解自己的身体健康状况,以便有更好的应对和治疗措施。将来我出狱了,我的医生也需要了解我的病情发展历史,所以,获得全面的医学检查报告尤其重要。”我告诉胡佳,我会不停地提申请,尽人事听天命。 

今天我见到了胡佳,这次会见时间非常反常,胡佳和我们家属都很意外,不知道接下来会发生什么事情。胡佳还是很瘦,太阳穴和眼睛周边的皮肤不正常(像结节又像发炎),也不知是一般的皮肤过敏还是别的深层原因。他的精神状况倒还好,常常对我们笑。 宝宝没睡醒,不高兴,趴在我的肩头。会见结束了以后她才缓过精神,在监狱的院子里采蒲公英,笑着说:宝宝上小学,爸爸上大学;宝宝看爸爸,宝宝的女儿(布娃娃)也要看爸爸。

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5月18日EVENT

event:
时间:5月18日;地点:世界各地;内容:打电话给监狱、公安局、大使馆,请转达朋友们对胡佳的问候,我们很关注胡佳的身体健康,希望他早日回家治疗。http://bit.ly/clatYo
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Hu Jia Has Convictions So He Stands Up For People’s Rights

Translation provided by a friend

The wife of imprisoned dissident Hu
Jia, Zeng Jinyan  wrote this article which is now on the website of
Yazhou Zhoukan in Hong Kong.  The Chinese text is at

http://www.yzzk.com/cfm/Content_Archive.cfm?Channel=br&Path=3522272462/18br1b.cfm

and copied below.


胡佳有信念所以維權 .曾金燕

胡佳病情惡化仍被拒保外就醫,但他絕不願用原則交易。


Hu Jia Has Convictions So He Stands Up For
People’s Rights by Zeng Jinyan

Hu Jia’s condition has worsened but he is
still denied medical treatment outside of prison, but he will not make a
deal at the expense of his principles

Hu Jia, for upholding the rights of
Chinese citizens, was found guilty of “the crime of inciting the
overthrow of the state”. Hu Jia has already served over two years and
three months of his sentence. He is suffering from cirrhosis of the
liver and his health is steadily deteriorating. On March 20, he entered
the prison hospital because he was thought to have liver cancer. The
authorities refused our request that he be released on bail for medical
treatment, and at the same time refused our request to examine the
report on his medical examination. I was informed that my husband Hu Jie
had already on April 9 been sent back to the prison under guard, that
the growth on his liver was a hemangioma — a blood vessel tumor — and
that regulations do not provide for a prisoner to be allowed bail for
outside medical treatment for cirrhosis of the liver.


The regular visit for the month of April
was scheduled for the afternoon of April 20, and we saw each other that
day. He is very thin, has run a high fever recently, and he had lost 4
kilograms due to diarrhea. Yet he was in good spirits, and smiled at us
from a distance. Hu Jia is very concerned about the situation in Yushu.
He asked if our friends of the wild di oxen group and their families are
safe and asked if the widow of Secretary Sonam Dorje is alright. He
asked me to burn incense for the people who had died in the earthquake
zone. I said to him, you need to take good care of yourself, and keep
both your health and your spirits up. He tries to pass each day in a
calm and good humored way. He writes the countdown of the number of days
until he will return home on each letter. If Hu Jia were writing a
letter right now, he would write: I still have 431 days to go before I
can be reunited with my family.


Hu Jia was brought up with a traditional
education. His maternal grandfather studied in Japan for eight years and
earned degrees in both political economy and law. His grandfather was a
firm believer in Tibetan Buddhism. Everyday he reads the scriptures and
prostrates himself before an image of Buddha. He was condemned to hard
labor and exile for many years because he, as director of the Beihai
Buddhist Association in 1951 held a religious assembly at the Yonghe
Temple where the Panchen Lama prayed for world peace. Hu Jia’s father,
of Qinghua University, and his mother, of Nankai University, were both
condemned as rightists as students.


Hu Jia was a rightist baby from birth.
>From his family, he inherited his forthrightness, inherited his
search for truth and his firm belief in the good. Hu Jia has never been
preoccupied with food or clothing. He is very pure, like the sunshine.
If he had been born in Europe or American he possibly would have simply
been an ordinary good citizen. In China, however, the authorities kept
him under house arrest for four years and then condemned him to prison
for three years and six months.


For me personally, the most difficult
period is probably already past. We are still young. It is hard not to
be indignant when for the sake of upholding God-given rights, he has
been detained without notice, kept under house arrest, beaten and
suffered other unjust treatment. All these things, however, helped Hu
Jia prepare for the experience of prison. I can’t guess how many
spiritual twists and turns Hu Jia has been through since that day on
December 27, 2007, when he was led away in handcuffs. He said to me, “We
must struggle to forgive those Public Security State Security
Detachment police who harm us.” He also said “Don’t be in contact with
those Public Security State Security Detachment police. Don’t ask
anything of them. Although I yearn to be out of prison even one second
quicker, it must not be as the cost of trading in our principles to them
in some deal.” We promised each other not to fritter away our time.
While awaiting our reunion, we must live each day as fully and learning
as much as we can all the while. I have already prepared myself for
three and a half years in jail. Hu Jia’s mother said to him several
times, live well, take care of your physical and spiritual health. Hu’s
mother is a remarkable woman. She lived as an exiled rightist laborer
for 22 years and suffered much unjust treatment. This never broke her
down, but on the contrary made her a strong, tenacious and magnanimous
person.


The subscriptions to the magazines and
newspapers that Hu Jia reads in prison come to most of his living
expenses. He follows current events even more closely than we who live
outside prison do. He asked me to make a contribution on his behalf for
the Sichuan earthquake victims, to buy annual editions of books, to
speak out for educational reform, and to cast a ballot for the election
of Han Han as one of Time Magazines 100 most influential people. When he
speaks with us, he speaks very mildly. The most something upsets him,
such as solitary confinement or illness) the more lightly he speaks of
it to us. This reassures us some, and makes us feel that his spirit has
not been broken. I can go so far as to say with a teary smile, the
disaster of prison has tempered both Hu Jia and myself. This tempering
has made us more mature and steady.


http://www.yzzk.com/cfm/Content_Archive.cfm?Channel=br&Path=3522272462/18br1b.cfm

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